It's amazing how modern aikido has created a mindset that taking control of another person and making things happen is somehow not good aikido or not aikido at all. I'd rather be stiff and muscly, but know that I was really getting something done, than just go through the motions in the name of enlightenment.
Do you think this has to do with a misapplication of zanshin? I might be misremembering the meaning, but when I've been told I shouldn't think of throwing aite so much it was to get me thinking about how to move with a strong structure (establishing proper vertical and horizontal musubi): instead of looking only at moving aite, to feel the space around me in all directions while having strong vertical connection ("8" directional intent, possibly?).
In short: to gather up "all" rather than focus on "some," if that makes sense.