The respect must be earned; it is not automatically attached to any particular rank. If you feel that ppl don't respect you, you have to work twice or ten times harder, instead of looking for hypothetical sexism.
Such hard work heals you from imaginary problems and put you back to the real world.
I understand I did not put much detail in my original post, but its rather odd you assume that I'm not working hard rather than the chance there could be sexism. I currently train at all the session both on and off campus; my BF and I are 'constants' as my sensei puts it. Last time I missed a class was in June when I had strep throat. We also spend copious amounts of time together outside of class working on kata and techinique. And no, we don't play around in class; hell, we are more vicious attackers with each other than anyone else.
I've been a high achiever all my life; one of my problems is a 'nagging' voice though. I might berate myself for not working hard enough but that doesn't mean I am lazy.
And Kayla Feder sensei regularly teaches a seminar within easy driving distance ,so I get to see her as well. I get lots of really amazing female aikidoka to train with.
I hope at least my post can encourage you in that not all dojo have the issues you face and there are indeed places where women are not so in the minority or stuck feeling a bit left out or out of place.
I loved all the clips of Feder's work. She seems to be a very amazing woman and I'd love to train with her if I am ever on that side of the coast. And thanks- the post did help. ^^