You're so very wrong. CIRCUS PONIES. Duh.
Why? Why would anyone have this expectation? I mean, if it helps you with other things in life, then great...but that's gravy. Why do you think that's what it must do "at least"? Do you expect your car to help you wash the dishes?
I don't expect my car to help me wash dishes. But at the same time a car has a function that is vastly more than looking pretty, at least for us common folk. It does many functional things that are of value to most people, like carry them and other people and even things that are not people, to other places, and prevents them from the unspeakable horrors of having to walk or run or bicycle anywhere. That and my car also needs to be affordable to maintain and fuel; it must pull its weight. So I would just hope we could ascribe a function to aikido that is more than just artistic endeavor or a self-contained time sink, especially when I, and I would think many others, actually do want more functional benefits from it, in addition to, not necessarily as a replacement for, artistic concerns.