Re: Soft vs hard (correct?) kote gaeshi?
Okay, I have seen a few major variations of Kotegaeshi. I think the two that you are referring to are:
1. you move to the side of uke and use a downward motion to apply kotegaeshi. If you were holding a sword, you would be cutting the back of uke's leg.
2. you move in front of uke and tenkan. This tenkan puts a twist on the wrist, which you move downwards in an ark as you tenkan.
I personally find both to be effective in different circumstances. I have seen footage of O-sensei doing both. I don't think either is necessarily softer than the other. Both can be applied in a relatively hard or soft manner. My advice is to learn to do both of them well, and make up your own mind.