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Old 09-20-2011, 11:41 AM   #52
Location: Massachusetts
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,056
Re: verbal abuse from a teacher

Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Hahaha, yes, those stupid kinds of excuses keep popping in my head.
I don't know why you're laughing. Michael isn't making jokes. He's talking about the exact things that abuse victims say to excuse the behavior of their abusers. I don't speak for Michael, but I'd bet you whatever you'd care to name that victims have made these kind of statements to him from hospital beds -- after their abusers put them there. Think about that. Really, really think about it.

Anonymous User wrote: View Post
The receptive teacher tells me to leave but also to try telling him, "I will not be spoken to like this" and walking away when he gets nasty.
I doubt this would have worked, had you tried it when the advice was given to you. But you didn't take that advice, so why are you falling back on it now? I don't think you've suddenly changed your mind and believe it will work. I think you're using this as an excuse for inaction.

Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I can't leave just yet. I'm waiting for my Dan certificate. Otherwise it's $400 down the drain, and I'm a college student, it's a lot for me.
You paid $400 for some kind of "get a shodan" program? That was a mistake. Your money is gone, and you have no way to force this guy to give you a shodan on any terms but his own. Don't compound your mistake now by throwing good money after bad -- and things worth more than money, too.

Anonymous User wrote: View Post
II don't think he'll give it to me if I leave. I think I can hold out for a bit of time that's left. We can just ignore each other for now, like we did for about a year some time ago, when I spent more time working (for money) for my receptive teacher as opposed to "helping out the dojo" and acted like I didn't care about him.
Think about what you just said. You're going to get a shodan...from a sensei that you ignore...and that's supposed to be worth something. Think about it! If you were putting up with the behavior of an obnoxious abuser in order to get a car, or a paycheck, or something like that, I might be able to understand it...but a shodan has no material value. None. It also has little or no value in terms of what it gets you, because you'll find that outside your own dojo, even in another aikido dojo, it probably won't buy you anything. The only value of a shodan, or any rank, is in what you did to get it, and what you became in the process. And if what you did was submit to an abuser and what you became is an apologist for said abuser, then that shodan is worth less than used buttwipe.

And lest you start telling yourself that I don't understand -- I do. I had "shodan tunnel vision" once upon a time. I got lucky. I dislocated my shoulder a week before my shodan test. While I was healing up, I got my head out of the tunnel enough to realize that while I could show up again and get my shodan...I didn't really want it. And this wasn't a situation like yours, just one in which the school and I had really gone in two different directions. I was no longer with the program, simply going through the motions, and my shodan wouldn't have had the value that I wanted it to have. So I walked away. If I had that shodan today, it would not enhance my life one bit, and what I have without it is much better.

There are always other dojos, better dojos. If there aren't any where you live, you may just have to wait for a few years until your situation changes. Or if it means that much, you may have to decide to change it sooner. If money is an issue, there may be a way -- you may get a reduced rate, or be able to do work around the dojo, or find a university club, or maybe give up your Friday evening pizza and beer. There are other, better, more worthy people to train with, and there are ways to do it.

If you are tempted to reply with any other "reasons" why you "can't" leave, my answer is as before. Stop making excuses for not changing your situation. Stop refusing to cut your losses.
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