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Old 09-18-2011, 06:30 PM   #16
Marc Abrams
Dojo: Aikido Arts of Shin Budo Kai/ Bedford Hills, New York
Location: New York
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,302
Re: verbal abuse from a teacher

Stand back from your situation and look at some objective aspects of your situation:

1) Adult teacher treating a young teenage boy in a verbally abusive manner, while trying to pass it off as being honest and helpful.

2) This abusive behavior turned a confident young man into a miserable heap.

3)) Lot of free work on your part for some occasional hand-outs.

Just those three points alone should dissuade most rational people of supporting training under those conditions.

Rising above bad situations can be character building in that you discover inside yourself the positive esteem and willpower to make it through bad times. Positive esteem and willpower are NOT developed by subjecting a person to verbal and/or physical abuse. Positive esteem and willpower are developed through positive reinforcement of actions that reflect pro-social behaviors, self-enhancing behaviors and behaviors that demonstrate the ability to persevere through challenges.

There are plenty of good teachers out there in the Aikido world who teach effective Aikido skills without having to result to abusive behaviors to prop up their own underlying sense of inadequacy. This teacher may be a good role model for what NOT TO DO as a teacher and mentor of others. If you like yourself and respect yourself, associate with people who do that as well.

I think that it would be a very positive experience for you to tell this teacher that you are thankful for all that he has taught you and that it time for you to move on now in your life. It is okay to tell this teacher that you have come to realize that you can learn to be a good Aikidoka without having to be abused in the process. You should wish this teacher well and move on to more self-fulfilling grounds.

Good Luck,

Marc Abrams
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