Re: Ethical questions before Shodan exam
Honestly? I think you should have stopped training some time ago. Now you're going to pay a substantial price for not giving your injury the treatment it needed, when it needed it.
The shodan test has to be one of the most dangerous things in any martial art. People charge at it with blinders on, and sometimes they charge over a cliff. More often, they pass their test, the blinders fall off, and they realize that they no longer want to be there, to be training. At a minimum, they find that the landscape is nothing like what they expected. This is where you get so many shodan dropouts in martial arts.
If you are approaching your shodan exam, and something threatens the test -- something that, under any other circumstances, would make you stop training -- then I think the best course of action is to walk away from the test. Walk away, and take the time to do what you need to do. When you've dealt with that, if you find that you still want your shodan, then resume training and test when it's time to test. And if you find that you don't really want it any more...well, that tells you something else worth knowing, probably that you haven't really wanted to be there for a while. And that's okay. We change, our needs and situations change. Goals that were once truly cherished sometimes become something that we no longer want, for all kinds of perfectly good reasons. Letting go of a cherished goal is hard, but facing the truth that you no longer want something you invested a lot into is even harder. But facing the truth is always better than the alternative. If the truth is that you still want to train, then good; if the truth is that you no longer want to train, that's good too.