Re: Frustration with super-soft aikido class
At this time, my sense of the connected state is a dependency achieved (and maintained) through balance, kuzushi. My partner becomes dependent upon my balance to maintain hers; this can be done will little pressure (or resistance). "Who's grabbing who?" is a great statement because your balance and ability to move are demonstratively affected if your partner controls your balance (kuzushi).
Similarly, the timing in which I achieve and maintain kuzushi is a window of opportunity that depends upon my partner's sense of balance and body awareness. If I do not seize my partner's balance within that window of opportunity I need to again search for an[other] opening (suki) in my partner's structure.
Finding out the "when" to act is very important to good aikido. Getting the chance to feel how your balance structure can affect others is very important to aikido. Don't let "soft" get confused with "in-effective".