If you're feeling the load in your kua, wouldn't that just be the result of tension still remaining in the kua? Wouldn't you want the force/weight to just drop through your kua to your feet?
Thats a good question. I thought for a long time that you wanted to pass everything to the foot, but new that I had to somehow add to the persons push. The difference seems to be that when I do it in this manner, I'm not "Resisting" like when I tried to push with the legs or lower back. While, there is some muscle involved it seems to my partner like they are pushing themesleves away.
Thats a good question and I don't nearly have enough knowledge to say what is right or wrong. It seems to be working for the moment, but in 6 months perhaps my mind will have changed?
Last week we were doing kata-otoshi and I was playing with a scenario much like what you described. I would start with my arm out against uke's shoulder and then connect to their center. That being, either they would lean slightly into me or if not, I would slightly push into them. Once connected I would just sink my weight into them and towards their gate. There's a definite balancing act in putting your weight into them without committing your balance as well, but after several times doing it statically like this it became much less deliberate. When there was a little more forward force from uke then it became more of a straight drop rather than a out and down kind of thing, because they were giving me the connection.
Yeah its really tough to figure out how to not commit that weight. I recognize when I can do it, but I can't do it consistantly. One thing that seems to be helping is that my pivot point keeps on moving lower, I'm trying not to pivot about the upper body. In something like pushout I'm trying to pivot about the ankle.