View Single Post
Old 01-25-2011, 09:18 PM   #38
David Orange
Dojo: Aozora Dojo
Location: Birmingham, AL
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,508
United_States
Offline
Re: Limerick challenge!

Quote:
David Orange wrote: View Post
OK...I'm sorry, but in a limerick, the meter is the most important thing. Every syllable counts and the rhythm has to be smooth.
And now that I've criticized, I'll offer one of my own:

An aikido man who was happy
would make all his ukes feel sappy.
He'd roll them around
and they'd flip to the ground
because all his waza were snappy.

Not great, but it does fit the form, just as an example.

So let's see if I can do better. Here's one that varies the count very slightly, which works if you keep it consistent:

There once was a puppy named Neat.
She never could get food to eat.
The others were faster.
They muscled right past her.
So her owner gave her a treat.

And here's one of the best I ever heard, if not the greatest ever written, which fits the original pattern:

A hillbilly who was named Hollis
used possums and snakes for solace.
His children had scales
and prehensile tails
And voted for Governor Wallace.

Sublime on so many levels.

Thank you. Thank you.

David

"That which has no substance can enter where there is no room."
Lao Tzu

"Eternity forever!"

www.davidorangejr.com
  Reply With Quote