View Single Post
Old 01-25-2011, 07:25 PM   #37
David Orange
Dojo: Aozora Dojo
Location: Birmingham, AL
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,504
United_States
Offline
Re: Limerick challenge!

Quote:
Jessica Tackett wrote: View Post
uke's this is for you

I know an uke or two,
who know just what to do.
When you throw them down,
they pop off the ground
and come right back to you!
OK...I'm sorry, but in a limerick, the meter is the most important thing. Every syllable counts and the rhythm has to be smooth.

Here's the pattern

da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da
da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da
da-DA-da da-DA
da-DA-da da-DA
da-DA-da da-DA-da da-DA-da

A real classic:

There was a young woman named Bright
whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
in a relative way
And returned on the previous night.

In that one, the author sort of squeezes "and returned" into the rhythm of just "returned" but it fits very naturally.

And then there's the classic Nantucket verse:

There once was a man from Nantucket
who kept all his eggs in a bucket...

Or was that how it goes?

Anyway, the meter is what defines a limerick. If you miss that, it simply isn't a limerick.

Otherwise, good sentiments, but I wonder if we could do better.

(For non-native-speakers of English, don't worry. Nice try.)

Best wishes.

David

"That which has no substance can enter where there is no room."
Lao Tzu

"Eternity forever!"

www.davidorangejr.com
  Reply With Quote