Re: 5th kyu shihans
You are within your bounds to refuse to train with anyone who physically hurts you, or disrespects you.
However, I've dealt with the good old 5th kyu shihan syndrome. I know men who have the same complaint, so it breaches gender. But I understand how it is hard for a woman, being a woman. You have to pop your hips a little more and take ukemi faster. There are always be low ranked males waltzing in who will make you prove your rank to them. :/
I dealt with one male week 1 student(who no longer trains). I bowed to work with him, he refused me and said "I don't want to hit or throw a woman!" For a split second I was gonna accept his refusal, but then I got mad and told him "What makes you think you could pull off either in your first week?" I made him train.
In my region woman can wear hakama at an earlier stage than men. Men have to wait until black belt. I always feel bad for 1st kyu men at seminars, being told how to do something by 5th kyu shihan.