Re: Is there another solution?
You're free to live your life the way you want to. But please don't think this situation is about you being brave, Ellis Sensei's kind words notwithstanding.
Its about having lost control because you allowed yourself to be goaded and the impact that's had on your relationships.
And you allowed yourself to be goaded because you were afraid of how you would look if you said anything.
Don't confuse a penchant for losing control when your "self esteem" is challenged with courage.
If you allow someone else to dictate your choices and your responses, you've given away your power and abdicated your freedom as a person to decide what you will do, when you will do it, and how it will be done.
That includes the possibility of choking someone out.
Now you seem to be saying we're all okay around you as long as we don't diss you.
Which seems to imply you'd do the same thing all over the same way.
You're relying on us not to act like "adam henry" in order not to worry that your behavior is some sort of precedent.
I'm not convinced that's true; but it seems to reflect that you're really not ready to accept responsibility for what happened -- for your 10 percent to be your fault, without comparing it to his 90.