We might have some difference in meanings when we describe relaxed holds. I also said I wasn't sure I understood you correctly. That was why I asked for you to elaborate. I gave an example I commonly think of as good pound-for-pound grabbing power. I think a powerful grip/hold can be pretty relaxed, relatively speaking.
Given your counter example of "real" holds, I could always be wrong, however I don't think my view is unrealistic because I also have experience (relatively slight though it is) with people who have been successful in "da street" with their fighting.
Let me be clear, I'm no bad-ass (if anything I spent time avoiding such efforts), but I'm not completely ignorant in these matters either.
No offense taken as non was intended, this is a forum by Aikido lovers worldwide giving us the opportunity to exchange views and ideas. It is always difficult to chat with someone without being face to face. Many mis-understandings flare up and arguments can easily arise. I am just making a comment based on my 30 plus years of addiction to Aikido is all. I do not claim to be a great leader or sensei, I am just an avid student of Aikido for life. Let all take note that if someone's comments offend or upset you, it may well be that deep down it shook up your core beliefs, and might cause you to change your viewpoint eventually. This can cause anger to rise in defense of your ingrained understanding at that time. Open up to others viewpoints and re-evaluate as you all go.
Enjoy the journey.