I look forward to the day that a real attacker on the street will hold you in a relaxed way. That method may apply in the dojo to assist you with practice, but I have never seen or heard of this happening on the street, or in real life. Good luck to you.
We might have some difference in meanings when we describe relaxed holds. I also said I wasn't sure I understood you correctly. That was why I asked for you to elaborate. I gave an example I commonly think of as good pound-for-pound grabbing power. I think a powerful grip/hold can be pretty relaxed, relatively speaking.
Given your counter example of "real" holds, I could always be wrong, however I don't think my view is unrealistic because I also have experience (relatively slight though it is) with people who have been successful in "da street" with their fighting.
Let me be clear, I'm no
bad-ass (if anything I spent time avoiding such efforts), but I'm not completely ignorant in these matters either.