Quote:
George S. Ledyard wrote:
Hi Maggie,
Although I did pipe in on this and described my own case, I will say that it has been my experience that real partnership in this area is rare. Almost always, when you find a major Sensei, you find a spouse who supported him or her. The more senior the teacher, the more likely that there's a big extended family of the dojo or even the organization that needs to be supported. More often than not, the accounts of being the son or daughter of someone "great" isn't all that positive.
I think the kind of relationship which Penny Bernath and Peter have is very rare. For both to take their training up to that level and raise a family at the same time is an amazing accomplishment. Usually, one person is far junior and acts in a support role. They might be mutually supportive, but a real partnership in training while raising a family is quite rare. My friends Eugene and Kamenna Lee have managed to do it. They both train at the DC dojo where I started and have two of the best loved, wonderful children you could ever find. One watches the kids while the other trains, then they switch off. Sometimes when I visit I will watch the kids so that they can actually train together, which they don't get to do as often as they'd like. I have never seen a couple achieve such an equal balance of family responsibility and training. It's all the more amazing for its rarity. Usually, someone is doing more of one than the other. Mary is right that some of the really senior folks did not really do the work of raising their families. I think that most were there for them but I doubt most cases the domestic work load was very equal.
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I just consider the argument "High level Aikidoka are good because they ignore the obligations to their families" as another excuse for why one has given up on the idea of quality Aikido as accessible for themselves. It is easy to say "It is impossible, see I have a family, See me NOT devoting more time to practice actually makes me a GOOD person *validation!!!*". It's not a valid excuse to me. People look for reasons why something is impossible for themselves. I find the entire "but Shihans have no life and children that hate them" to be a way to make ourselves feel better about underachievement. We get to still pretend to be good Aikidoka, with as little effort as possible. As a side note: I think the generalization,and over all disbelief she had that good family men-shihan didn't exist(or are too far in between) might be highly offensive to some teachers. Again, a devotion to a training schedule does not make you a social reject, or a person with no obligations IMO.
Shidoin, Shihan, etc, known too many people I consider to be both doing the art at a high level and also have a strong family life. I know of some account where children are left behind, and I don't buy those stories are a reason to not aspire to excel to learn and train in high level Aikido. And I think it expresses an over emphasis on how much people might value rank or title. I've not once talked about rank as a mark of commitment. I have talked about hours and intensity of training however. I some times feel like no one remembers what high level Aikido looks like, because they've spent so long making up reasons why themselves, their dojos and what not can't do it.
My dojo has a lot of coloring books and candy on the side lines. I train 50% of the time with tiny eyes watching me. People make it work, while striving for quality, and chasing high level Aikido as their example.