It almost sounds as if you are advocating a 'reactionary' methodology. If this isn't premeditated with extension of ki and awase to uke, its probably going to be tough.
Anyway, I like the story of the onion. Thanks for sharing.
Btw, I think you mean true victory, not defeat.
Very perceptive... you're right, I am exactly almost
recommending reactionary tactics.
If you push one end of a stick, the other end may move, not because it's reacting, but because the stick is one thing. The ends of the stick simply move according to how the rest of the stick moves.
When it's time for us to move with our partners, I think this is very close to how we should be. We should simply move as one, not leading, not following, neither reacting nor anticipating. We move because we're part of something that is moving.
Of course, you could grasp one end of a stick and beat the crap out of the other end, and this we would avoid... especially if we're that other end. So some additional intelligence, awareness, and motivation are necessary. Ideally this goes toward directing the system to integrate with greater systems, so that oneness is extended.
Is this leading? Sometimes. But the closer we can adhere to successfully moving as one, until a natural separation not unlike breathing out occurs, then conflict will not arise within the system.
As for "true defeat," I was suggesting a corollary to "true victory." That part may not have been as clear as I would have liked.