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Old 05-28-2010, 09:44 AM   #9
Eva Antonia
Dojo: CERIA
Location: Brussels
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 207
Belgium
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Re: Some words are worth a thousand nikyos

Hi,

although I'm not normally a quarrelsome person and have near to never fights with my boyfriend (and if, then about kids' education), friends, colleagues etc..., I think I'd start to apply my thousand nikkyos and maybe some ushiro kiri otoshi if my boyfriend started this list on me.

EITHER you really think you have your part in the quarrel, want to stop the quarrel, see your errors etc., then there's no need for continuing, just correct whatever was your error. OR you use these words as coming out of the de-escalation phrasebook, and your quarrel partner thinks you don't take him and the quarrel serious. And THEN there is one more reason to quarrel.

If I want to convince someone,
EITHER I convince him
OR he convinces me
OR I just don't see the point to pursue
OR he doesn't see the point to pursue
but WHY should we agree to disagree?

If we disagree, then we disagree, if we agree, then we agree, if neither, then just forget about it, it wasn't worth the quarrel. But these nice words seem to me very formal and devoid of sense.

Like in the nineties this idea of "thinking positive". Just mentioning it woke already all possible and impossible negative thoughts in my mind. I just think and thought it is pure crap. If you force yourself into thinking positive, but there is nothing positive to think about, then you are just shutting your eyes to reality. It's nothing than a big hypocrisy.

Or, to give another aikido comparison, saying the words of this list is like over-complying uke who bends already before being "convinced" by an efficient technique. It's rather an insult to the partner.

So, please understand my point of view

Best regards,

Eva
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