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Old 05-28-2010, 08:01 AM   #6
lbb
Location: Massachusetts
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,804
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Re: Some words are worth a thousand nikyos

Quote:
David Soroko wrote: View Post
I find some of them very, very annoying. But hey, please try to understand my point of view.
In a similar vein, I found that while my reaction to most of them was, "That would check my anger (at least in most situations," there were a few that felt to me more like something that someone would use as a shutting-down or shifting-blame tactic. These were:

Let's agree to disagree on that. [Depending on the context -- this can follow an honest and accurate articulation of different positions, in which case it comes across as an acceptance of the other POV and a statement that you don't intend to try and batter the other person into accepting your view...but it can also be a way of cutting off someone's articulation of their point of view before you've really heard it]

Please try to understand my point of view. [sometimes ok, sometimes has a connotation of, "If you don't agree with me, it's because you don't understand what I'm saying, and if you don't understand what I'm saying, it's because you're not trying."]

This is important to me. Please listen. [sometimes ok, sometimes has a connotation similar to the above: you can't be listening to me, because if you were listening you'd agree with me]

This isn't just your problem, it's our problem. [context dependent -- works well with a person who's feeling that it is their problem, doesn't work so well with someone who feels that it's your problem ]

We're getting off the subject. [Might work if you were clearly the one responsible for the drift and you're curtailing your own digression; otherwise probably usually sounds too much like, "I'm not interested in what you want to talk about/I want to avoid that subject"]

Let's take a break for a few minutes. [Again, can be a shutting-down tactic]

I realize it's not your fault.
I see how I contributed to the problem. [Both can fail when the other party is firmly convinced that the problem is 100% of your making and entirely your fault]

For the most part, though, I really like this list. I'm going to keep it handy. Thanks for posting it!
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