Thread: Escalating
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Old 03-15-2010, 10:49 PM   #22
giriasis
Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Join Date: Jun 2000
Posts: 819
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Re: Escalating

Oh, the battles of the egos. One person has to prove the other is better.

There are different ways to handle this.

1. You can stop practicing and call sensei over and ask for his advice. I used to do this when I was lower in rank or equal in rank and I was finding the other persons instructions frustrating. I would either get the proper or better correction or the reinforcement that I was doing the technique properly.

2. You can just thank them for the advice. And then when it's their turn, don't say a word. Don't help at all. This is usually effective when the other person is junior in rank. I've had this happen getting ready for 2nd kyu and no-kyu is correcting my technique. Sensei was watching and observed the whole thing. He finally came over when no-kyu couldn't figure our his left from right while I just kept my mouth shut. My point to the lower rank - the techniques was not as easy as it seemed. (Sensei came over on his own accord.)

3. You know you are doing the technique right but your partner is a newbie you so go way too easy on the person. Thus as a result they don't feel a thing, and the newbie thinks you are doing the technique wrong. They make a comment. The solution you either call sensei over or you don't go as easy (but not rough) as you were doing. I found that you need to present confidence to a newbie and they will go where they need to go. This is NOT being rough on your partner or jerking them around. You need to be more skilled to up the ante a little so that you don't hurt your partner. This is not recommended if you are in the low kyus or new so call sensei over.

4. This one is more of constraining a senior person from escalating on you. Your training with a higher ranking person, they start getting more and more resistant with you. They don't like you to talk to them, and they don't talk at all. You get frustrated and want to jerk on them. You can't. In response you get softer and more compliant in your ukemi go exactly where you need to go. Be careful of getting too soft or they will torque your arm off. This is a good way to avoid escalating egos. If it gets bad - call sensei over.

5. You have a chatty, well-meaning higher ranking person and each time you move they correct you. Be polite and ask them if they don't mind if you just play with it some or you call sensei over to help you out.

6. Finally, if you are truly peeved, bow out. (It's too late to call sensei over.) You don't have to train with the person. Just bow and sit at the side of the mat. Don't engage. Overcome the ego, let go and walk away. It's not worth it. It's only aikido.

So basically, you call sensei over or bow out if it has esacalated too high. I have seen egos get the best of good people. Let it go. Move on. It's only aikido.

Last edited by giriasis : 03-15-2010 at 10:58 PM. Reason: grammer; clarity

Anne Marie Giri
Women in Aikido: a place where us gals can come together and chat about aikido.
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