Re: The Problem with Being a Big Guy
Hi Scott, you've been given lots of advice which I'm sure is reasonable for everybody in their own way of practicing in their own dojos but I'm still unclear about how exactly you are expected to practice in YOUR dojo. This is surely crucial to the usefulness of any advice! Aikido is practiced with huge variance of intention, violence, sadism, acquiscence, performance and realism. It might help to tell us WHY you like to practice aikido.
You also mentioned Atemi and how you found it to be effective : I'm presuming you mean effective against you when you attack. Do they smack you in the mouth? How do you find it effective? You see stars : do they punch you in the head?
Lastly you keep mentioning (in between claiming to be inept) your inability to take a middle ground between floppy fish and all-out 100% attack/GRIP machine.
At risk of being booed may I suggest you're lazy? : do the work to find a middle way, apply enough to balance what they think they want from you.