Re: Dojo Versus Reality?
Well I think you are coming at this from two different angles.
First, and I'm sure you already know this, the Dojo can never be outside of the Dojo, or as some like to call it "the street". So don't try to emulate that, just figure out what people do universally and work from there.
Next, uke is not only protecting himself, he is providing the right conditions for the technique. That is to say, if uke doesn't do his part, nage can't do his. At least when we are talking about forms.
It's like this, say you are teaching boxing. And you want to show how to slip a right straight punch, but your partner keeps throwing a left hook. Now your partner could say "hey man in boxing it's totally possible that your opponent will throw a left hook", and he's correct, but dumb. You are working on the slip for a right straight, not the left hook. There is a technique for the left hook, but you are not training that right now.
This is what you have to explain to your students. They need to understand how to facilitate the techniques nage is working on. This means you have to explain why they are doing the things they are doing.
Here's an example I often come up against with new people. When teaching nikyo ura from the shoulder application. Often new people will lock their elbows when I apply this technique to them. Doing this is not conducive to training the technique. So the first thing I do is point out what they are doing, "oh, you're locking your elbow", Then I apply rokyo (the technique most available) and bring them down. Then I tell them how locking their elbow promotes rokyo, but not nikyo. Then explain why nikyo works the way it works, and explain that it is their job to help facilitate those conditions when we are practicing nikyo.
Uke's job is to provide the right situations. Now in "the street" people don't do that, we practice for that in randori though, and not in the forms. The form teaches a specific situation.