Thread: Respect
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Old 11-09-2009, 08:01 PM   #34
Dan O'Day
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Location: Redmond, Washington
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 34
Re: Respect

Jose, thank you for replying.

On the "let others be right". let me give you an example.

I'm a carpenter and I work with another carpenter. We're cutting some 2 x 4's. I yell out. Cut 'em at 27 3/4". A few minutes later he gives me ten sticks at 28 3/4". I say, No man, I said 27 3/4" not 28 3/4".

Then he says, Nope, you said 28 3/4".

This could go on and on or I can "let others be right" and say, You're right and I was wrong.

One can do this even when they are absolutely 100% positive that they are correct. The lesson is in the experience of actually doing it.

Something happens. There's a realization of what the need to be right is often all about and a realization of how much pressure is released when one lets go of that need.

I mean, why do I need to be right? Isn't it primarily an act of defending myself from some perceieved threat or stigma of "wrongism"? Why do I feel this need to defend myself? Is it about a seawrch for approval? Whose approval am I really after? If I have my own, is that not enough? And if it is enough, then why not simply let others be right?

The "all belief is valid" thing took me awhile to get. What Quiet Hank was telling is that belief - when sincere - is exactly that...belief. It simply is and as such is completely valid for the holder of a given belief.

I may not like it but I can't very well argue with it. This doesn't mean I can't present facts which might cause one to change their belief and it doesn't mean that I should be absolute in my own beliefs to the point of not listening to points potentially counter to my belief(s).

I tell you what, it significantly changed my way of seeing other people once I accepted it.

Quiet Hank, by the way, has been kind of a mentor to me for many years. Incidentally, he's an old judo guy from way back in LA. Santa Monica and other places. He doesn't train anymore but in his day, he was the man.

Today, he doesn't do competition and that's what got me to take a look at aikido years 6 back when I first started. I liked the no competition thing and still do, of course, since competition is all about being "right". A belif of mine, by the way. Perfectly valid but maybe worng? I don't know. All I know is that I may change my mind on it tomorrow. And if I do it in no way minimizes the belief held prior.

On the use of the term "valid"...hmmmm...I'm not much for the "dualism" deal. Can't have valid if there is no invalid, or can't have joy without knowing pain, etc. Nope. Yin Yang. Big, small, fast, slow, tall, short, right and wrong. Nope. Our universe has far more dimensions than just the two. This or that? I'll take the other thing anyday.

Last edited by Dan O'Day : 11-09-2009 at 08:12 PM.
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