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Old 11-04-2009, 01:13 PM   #8
Kevin Leavitt
 
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Dojo: Aikido of Northern Virginia
Location: Stuttgart, Baden Wurttemberg
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 4,376
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Re: The Martial Art of Difficult Conversations

I disagree Mark...I think you've missed a big part of deeper issue.

Having been in the situation in which I am the only authority...there is no one left to call or appeal to for outside help. "Nuking them", only seems to cause problems later on.

Failing to understand their point of view regardless of how stupid and irrational it may be can cause you problems later on.

It requires a great deal of personal restraint and supression of your own emotions to do this.

In all cases where I have followed this type of problem solving...I have walked away with a deeper understanding of the real underlying issues and have been in a better situation to have a permanent solution.

As the last result...if in the end, I still believe the person is a complete bonehead and it does not go the right way....I sleep alot better at night knowing that my decision to "write them off" was the right one.

That said, there is a time and place for everything and sometimes it is not warranted to continue to expose yourself to "violence" and a call for swift decisive action is needed.

I think in this example though, a neighbor and seeking to understand...goes a long way at allowing for everyone to go home and still be friends.

I wish more folks acted this way than less.

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