Robert M Watson Jr
It occurred to me recently that all my life as a kid my parents, grandparents and most every other adult of import had stressed to use ones 'indoor voice' so as not to be such a disturbance with my typically wanton rambunciousness. Have I been programmed for decades to limit the level and type of vocalizations while indoors to such an extent that now when in a setting in which a powerful kiai is encouraged and even required (sensei says 'everyone kiai' more than once each class) that old conditioning kicks in and throttles me back?
Now it think it is exactly that conditioning that is holding me back in expressing the kiai like I can outside in the park but not inside the dojo. Now I'm really worried about all the other types of conditioning from the past decades that are holding me back?
Doing some reading of Eckhart Tolle and came across this.
"When you are present in this moment,
you break the continuity of your story, of past and future.
Then true intelligence arises,
and also love.
The only way love can come into your life
is not through form, but through that inner spaciousness that is Presence.
Love has no form."
My understanding is the true intelligence arising is very much akin to Takemusu. Working with the concept of breaking the continuity of my story has helped my aikido. I am letting go of old concepts of how this technique should be done.
Just a thought.