So, we start working, say, cross-hand wrist grab kotegaeshi...
Wow... what a long post...
See, the problem with describing the "internals" of doing a technique (whether you're training the "internals" or just "technique") is just that... it's too complicated. You kinda lost my already short attention span at the first paragraph... Imagine having to describe this to a class, much less on a forum. It simply won't work.
Maybe take a very small section of the technique and try to describe what's going on. Using the example of kotegaeshi (not a good example IMHO, but worth trying as a thought experiment), perhaps just limit it to a singular aspect - either the entry, the middle, or the exit?
IOW, treat it like a problem solving exercise - break it up into smaller, more manageable chunks.