Maybe you'd be happier with yoga, instead of something that has its basis in martial arts and self-defense. That part of aikido is always there and never goes away, but my feeling is that thet more skilled you are in a martial art, the less you feel you need to use it.
If you can't stand the thought of "controlling" anyone, I doubt you'd be happy in aikido or any martial art as long as you think of them as being controlling. Why not focus on aikido as a way of improving your SELF for self's sake. I never thought of aikido as controlling someone else, but in controlling myself!
In that respect, at its end aikido lets you become a more peaceful person as you build confidence in yourself, so you can spend more time just having fun with the aesthetic aspects of the art and less time or no time thinking about the martial.