Doubts happen. Aikido isn't for everyone, unfortunatly. I can't speak as to the deep meaning and phylisophical powers that Aikido has for me, I honestly have never thought about it. I don't belive in perfection, so I knew coming into Aikido that I would not become some kind of enlightened being who could be at peace with all upon completion of my training. For me, it is just living life. My favorate expression from one of my Senpai is "Iremi is to acept your own death" and "think only 'cut and die'". I take that to mean don't be focused on "winning", "success", or "failure" to quote our favorate greek god of victory, "Just Do It". That is enough for me.