Am I a "bad" Aikidoka?
So I'm testing for 2nd Kyu in 2 weeks and some change, and I've been doing some more reading of posts and stories and how other Aikido practioners think and act - or at least how they say they do. And I'm reading stories about how a "true Aikidoka" would run away, would play dead, would be a pacifist, basically it says to me they would do "nothing" that they spend doing in countless hours of training. I then see more re-enforcement of other chiming in with "Yes - that's true Aikido," or other variants which lend creedence that in Aikido you should always run away, or feign injury, or the like. I look at that and say, "What's the point in even physically training?" Why not just take up some non physical training that prepares you to recognize situations to just run away or any of the other previous examples?
I know how to run, I know how to lay on the ground and play dead. If this is Aikido - why am I spending $60/month and training hour upon countless hour, if "real Aikido" is being a giant wuss?
I took Aikido so I don't have to run away, so I could stand up for myself, etc...
Does it make me a "bad" Aikidoka because I won't run away if someone attacks me or leads on that they might?