I think the source for your current situation is a fact that you have some kind of 'philosophy' of aikido as a prerequisite step before techniques.
I think that is the crucial point: Terms like "love", "harmony" and so on can easily lead in the wrong direction.
let the actual aikido techniques create a certain understanding of aikido.
But that will lead to the insight, that waza controls another person, that the techniques have big pontential to hurt another person and that aikido is indeed a martial
If that insight can not be accepted, you can't really practice.
If you can accept it, you will experience the "peace bringing" potential of aikido.