I find so true what you write, specifically about the difference between "finesse" and "wrestling". My personal training goal last week was, inspired from you article, to not let uke feel what I am doing.
It's hard for me, because of my karate background I still feel using kime and explosive muscle power equals great effect, but the results were so rewarding. I tried to make my movements smaller, more subtile, "feminine", soft, almost undetecable, and the more I did that, the more I was able to find uke's and my center, align them and take the balance. If you are a smaller female and you are told you can throw a guy double your weight without using muscles, you are of course subject to self doubt and want to put this to the test...and I am glad I did. Regained a lot of confidence last week.
Also, I found this worked better for uke as well: Because the approach is softer, they don't resist so much, thus less opportunity to "wrestle" and get hurt.
I now ask uke for feedback: if I am "jerking" or "wrestling" I turn it a notch down, until uke feels only a soft manipulation.
This has improved my training a great deal - Thank you!