1. Janet is correct about aikido - it is not about controlling others, its about controlling yourself.
2. Aikido is about conflict resolution, not necessarily "fighting."
Personally I decided to try Aikido in order to improve my horsemanship which it has done already as well as actually enhancing my skills as a trainer of horses and of people in the equestrian world and in my job. I could go into a lot of ways Aikido has enhanced aspects of my life, given me a different point of view or better way of handling things but I'd wind up writing a book.
I come from a background where there was a lot of violence and conflict. The last place I would have expected to find a way to deal with the scars was martial arts.
I also have for the past 15 years or so led a life that completely avoided anything that might be considered violent or encouraging violence. In that world taking a martial art was not just frowned on it is forbidden. While that life worked for a while I discovered that it did not fully help me to deal with those scars it simply tried to ignore them. Life however does not take that into consideration and eventually it catches up with you.
Not saying that the OP is right or wrong in how they feel about this but the OP posted that they find the idea of fighting to be a problem for them. At one time I would have looked at it the same way and did. I can understand that viewpoint as well as its flaws because that was me. I have since found a different understanding which I mentioned in my previous post.
I hope the OP can find inside themselves a resolution to their internal conflict. I can totally sympathize having been in a similar situation, only in reverse, in the not to distant past.
The answer to this in inside of you. Those of us here can only give you the reasons for our own choices in hopes it will help you to find your own. Whatever you chose, chose what is best for you as a person.