Ellis Amdur

Mark - You are absolutely right. Research is such a waste of time, particularly research from books and things. Let me add a couple of my letters from my files to second your sentiments.

1. Dear Dr. Newton - I've skimmed through your Principia Mathematica, and I wish to praise your work, although I do not understand any of the mathematics - and I'm quite content that I know enough about gravity based on my dropping my supper on the hearthstone.
2. Dear Drs. Watson and Crick - You've spent a lot of time on this DNA stuff, and it's quite interesting that it's a spiral, but I have known about spirals for a long time, because I braid my daughter's hair - not many guys willing to do that, are there? - and as for reproduction, me and my wife do just fine without you - and anyone who says that my son favors Arnie, who used to room with us, is going to get a smack upside the head.
3. Dear Mr. F.L. Wright - I received your plans for my new house. I do not understand the expenses here for the pilings for the foundation. The clay seems quite hard to me.
4. Dear Dr. Heidegger - "Being?" "Time" - I'm here and I've got a watch. That was simple, wasn't it?
5. Dear Mr. Ueshiba - the religious principals that totally consumed you for the bulk of your adult life, that you considered the reason to do martial arts, that led you to depart from Daito-ryu, that you believed was work vital to the existence of the cosmos, are, in fact, of no interest whatsoever. That many people have built their lives around misunderstandings of what you were saying is really not important, and that they might want to know what you really said, what you intended and where your ideas came from reflects abysmal ignorance on their part. And I can stop their technique. It is unfortunate that you never realized the principal of "Shut up and Train," and instead wasted everyone's time with cryptic statements of mystic froth.
6. Dear Mr. Jesus - I know you were concerned about what the Pharisees were doing, and how Judaism had gone astray, but don't you think, being the Son of God (TM) and all, that you are beyond all religions. And I've heard that some people are saying that some of the roots of Christianity are in Mithraism, a religion that doesn't even exist anymore, so who cares. II mean, I get the "suffering servant" in Isiah, and all that, but dude, we know you suffered, you don't have to prove it or anything. can understand you just fine without all that stuff, so I've decided to cut the Old Testament from my Bible. It's a lot easier to carry, too - fits in my back pocket now, so you can be with me always.