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Old 06-29-2009, 08:13 AM   #41
Dojo: Kokikai Aikido Boston
Location: Boston
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 121
Re: Not coping with the new sensei

Probably she has picked up on it by now that you are displeased. She is definitely feeling the disrespect coming from you and Aikido respect is so very very very important because of a lot of reasons! My instructor told me "when a student doesn't want to learn from you you can see it in their eyes." I was told once "you can either bring out the best in people or you can bring out the worst in people." In Aikido we try to direct people where we want them to go. Maybe you can try a little Aikidoesque behavior in this situation.

I know you are offended by her remarks, and personal comments seem so very out of place to me in a dojo, but at least she is communicating something to you! Because she is not totally ignoring you makes me think there could be hope!

I can't hesitate a guess on what she is trying to convey in these remarks, Definitely telling you you are not intelligent is a ridiculous statement to make, but it's up to you to find a tactful way of approaching her on the subject.

Taking into consideration that you have probably already offended her I suggest you do something totally non intuitive to you and start being super respectful and super helpful in the dojo. Look sharp, call her Sensei, look attentive. The reason is because you are getting more disgruntled so she is probably liking you less and less, the objective is to even things out so she can see you in the best possible light.

Get to class early, get out the broom first, show her you are super enthusiastic. While doing this try to engage her in some conversation. Show her that you are really excited about what she is doing and want the hear how she learned about Aikido, how to start a dojo, etc...

Cease all talking about her, except good things, to other students. Surely she knows you have been talking behind her back. Instead of digging for the dirt on her, dig for the good things. Talk to the sr. students about why they like it and what she has done to impress them.

Hopefully, by listening to her story and her challenges, you will start to understand where she is coming from and why she is saying what she does say. Who knows? You might be surprised by what she has to say and it could be very illuminating. She may learn more about you and you about her. That could really help your relationship with her. Ask her for some honest feedback on your performance, and what specifically she can tell you that will help. It's important that nothing come across as critisism.

My suggestion, try to keep an open mind, be positive, and try to look for the good. It is challenging, putting aside your feelings about her stemming from remarks she has made and you may find you still can't stay there, but at least you now know what your exact situation is and you gave it your best shot.

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