Re: Using less force on a smaller person w/o being patronizing
I have the same problem with shiho nage, and, to lesser extent, with Sankyo.
But it has nothing to do with the partner's size or strenght, more with his flexibility or his ability to fall in the case of shiho nage, which hurts much less if you can do mae/ yoko ukemi to get out of the wrist lock before spiralling down. And the problem is the same: it hurts too much for the partner when I control while letting him down in order to block him on the floor, but it doesn't hurt if I just throw him, letting him go once he is on his way downward. I don't have a clue to this one.
For sankyo, I think it is possible to apply just a tiny bit less torsion without losing control - there the challenge is that everyone has a different threshold to react...impossible to find the limit if you don't know the person!
As to smaller persons - I also have this problem, being nearly 1,80 m tall. There are lots of smaller women, children and also some men in the dojo. I think they don't take offense if you start "tenderly" and then, seeing how much they can take, get a bit stronger - or not. No gender issue in my opinion. It's more a matter of how well you know the partner. In my dojo in Belgium, where I train regularly, we all know each other and are aware of what the partner can take, and when training abroad or going to seminars you have to find out. If someone is training too sweetly with me I'm not offended, but I just tell him that he can apply the technique more vigorously. And if I'm not sure of the partner I just ask.