Re: Hai Sensei
I remember being concussed from a kick I received from a dan-ranked person whilst grading in kyokushin as a twelve yeard old, especially the comment of "you are grading for 3rd kyu - you should be able to properly defend yourself!" (well at least the lead up to my head hitting the floor).
The person in question certainly wasn't my sensei but extolled the "virtues" of the style in building toughness of body and spirit. The kick was not malicious nor was the intention to injure me.
It wasn't the most pleasant of experiences as far as the injury went and the moment has certainly stuck with me ever since, but it didn't seem out of place at the time.
Looking at things now, and having my own child, I would have to fight very hard to not step onto the mat of any instructor striking a child particularly to the face.
Yes I believe that the discipline of studying a budo (or waza - pick your flavour) has its place in the development of any child, but they certainly should be able to train without significant risk of injury or from verbal/physical abuse.
I still follow a strict regime when practicing and one of few "old school" (read as traditional) students in my region - for example I am prepared to kneel in seiza at the side of the mat for an entire class if I turn up late and sensei does not want to interrupt his/her class. I firmly believe that one should have to struggle and be challenged to improve oneself through their training. For the life of me though, I still can't reconcile the incident you described in your post.
I guess I find the idea of striking someone who cannot practically defend themselves against a skilled adult such as described really gets my hackles up.
Its pleasing to hear that your daughter found a teacher to connect to though, as I guess at the end of the day we're all looking for someone to help guide as along the way.