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Old 05-02-2009, 11:11 AM   #130
mathewjgano
 
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Dojo: Tsubaki Kannagara Jinja Aikidojo; Himeji Shodokan Dojo
Location: Renton
Join Date: Feb 2005
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deescalation

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Thomas Donelson wrote: View Post
This is a wonderful lead in for my next thought train (wreck).
I'll ride that train too.

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Most of the violence in America is Where?...Of course, much is in the FAMILIES. Search Domestic Violence 2008. Search Street Assault 2008.
Good point. Particularly when you consider the many situations which never get reported...which I suspect is quite a few.

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Verbal Abuse leads to Physical Abuse.
In the sense that mind and body are interconnected, I bet verbal abuse could even be described as physical abuse and not be too far off, though that depends on the state of mind of the victim.

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Those are Rewards to the Abuser, bvecause he seeks an emotional response, which is similar to the Caring and Love he actuallyh desires. Disinterested, pleasant blithering is the correct response.
I've not read that, but it sounds very similar to my own general practice...although blithering doesn't seem like the right word to me (despite it accurately describing a bad habit of mine ). I also think disinterested might not be as universally good as you make it sound. I would argue showing interest is a more actively respectful approach which generally works better. I agree that where an emotional response is desired, it's often useful to not feed into that. On the other hand, when the abuser isn't getting what he or she wants, that can cause an escalation too. I had a roomate who constantly tried to provoke me. I have been described as the proverbial wet noodle most of the time and this did nothing to abate his desire for a response. If anything, it made the desire even more deeply seeded.

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Applying strikes and blows indicates Consternation, and is a reward.
Twisting someone's wrist, particularly an aggressive person, still seems akin to striking to me...and of course no one should be responding to verbal abuse with physical violence or the role of abuser becomes mutual.

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The Abuser is really seeking Love, and feels Angry that he/she does not receive the Love he/she feels is deserved or expected.
While I would agree the basic human condition is to desire love (so that's a underpinning to all behavior), situationally speaking, the desired gratification could be something else entirely. Love (other-regarding concern) has to be present, but it is rarely the sole tumbler that opens the lock to difusing aggression. That's how it appears to me anyway...and I would love it if someone with more knowledge would be willing correct or validate that view.
Take care,
Matt

Gambarimashyo!
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