*munches popcorn* You know, I thought I'd just quit reading this thread but dammit I just can't seem to! It's like not being able to stop watching a terribly cheesy soap opera because you just gotta see what happens next. *slurps his Coke*
This is a wonderful lead in for my next thought train (wreck).
Most of the violence in America is Where? In the streets?
Of course, much is in the FAMILIES. Search Domestic Violence 2008. Search Street Assault 2008.
Verbal Abuse leads to Physical Abuse.
Handling verbal abuse in the home, is similar to handling physical abuse.
The Wrist-Lock Dance is a tool that might sometimes be helpful in the family. The Family relationship will mostly continue after the confrontation.
The Motivation for Abuse is seeking the reward of Consternation. I keep Suzette Elgin's latest book handy. The Boring Baroqe Response is the correct Answer. Arguing, Fighting, Ignoring Silently, Fear, Walking away, all indicate Consternation to the Abuser. Those are Rewards to the Abuser, bvecause he seeks an emotional response, which is similar to the Caring and Love he actuallyh desires. Disinterested, pleasant blithering is the correct response.
Similarly, the non-angry, even affectionate or loving, step aside, arm grab, and dance with a wrist lock can be done without the reward of CONSTERNATION. Even if it is just one spin, and release.
So those who refuse to teach youngsters the art of Wrist-Lock Dance, are depriving individuals and youngsters, a key method of avoiding rewarding the habit of abuse in the family setting. Applying strikes and blows indicates Consternation, and is a reward.
The abuser feels betrayed, which is expressed as Anger. The Abuser is really seeking Love, and feels Angry that he/she does not receive the Love he/she feels is deserved or expected.
The human expression of Anger at Betrayal is a natural response, that needs to be UNLEARNED, because asking for more love by being abusive, is most usually counter-productive. We need to strive to avoid unintentionally rewarding the abuser with Consternation.
When I am yelled at, or otherwise feel unreasonable Anger from someone, my natural response is to yell back. Same with me. I feel betrayed, and I want more love, and here I am, FEELING like yelling back! As a Victim, I need to learn counter-intuitive responses, of avoiding unintentional rewards of consternation for abuse.