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Old 03-17-2009, 11:52 AM   #50
Dojo: Kokikai Aikido Boston
Location: Boston
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 121
Re: Romantic Feelings for a Girl at the Dojo

It's not easy to talk about yourself, anyhow, no matter who it is. I mean, just accept that it is difficult and probably you are fearing rejection, most people fear rejection. It's very inspiring to find someone you feel you are compatible with. It's exciting. Just try to enjoy it. The stakes seem really high because you like her. Maybe she is hoping you are going to ask her out, you never know.

I think the dojo is a bit of a delicate situation as you don't know if she is actively looking for a boyfriend or not and you don't want to scare her off. Some men "come on" to women in the dojo and it's not always appreciated. Some women come to the dojo for reasons of self-defense and they might find being "pestered" as threatening.

I think if you try to be her friend that's the best bet. That way you don't risk injuring the trust we all like to feel in the dojo and I think a lot of women like that approach because it shows you appreciate her as a person. Ask her how her life is going, maybe she needs help with something? If you can be there for her, maybe she will start to rely on you. By being her friend you can find out if she is looking for dating, friendship or what? Ask her if she's known anyone who dated in the dojo and how she feels about that. Since you are facing social anxiety maybe tell her about that, when you feel comfortable talking about it and she can help you by introducing you to her friends and going on some "practice" dates with you.

Once you get to know her better you will feel more comfortable talking to her.
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