what you describe as "aiki strategy outside the dojo" is something I discovered in my work life, when I was in my early twenties and had a very bullying boss in my (his!) company. I found out that it worked very well, just accepting, blending and using his energy, even if I never ever had heard of aikido at that time...
It also works with my parents, with whom I had bitter quarrels when I was young and since then they get less and less and less. It works with my colleagues, it works with friends, it works with strangers, but there is one place where it never, never works, and that is my own family. When being with my kids I just succumb to any sort of provocation and can become aggressive over trifles like "homework" or "hurry up to go to school"...so there is still a long way to go.
Strangely, in the dojo it doesn't work too well neither. But there, I think it's just that this concept of physically relaxing to be really efficient is not so easy to learn. Even if you SEE it is efficient the body just doesn't cooperate. But I'm sure it will improve with time.