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Old 01-01-2009, 11:10 PM   #35
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 950
Re: What to do when someone engages you...

Marko Ilic wrote: View Post
So, what to do? A few days ago a guy was all I'm gonna beat ya all up. My friend was kinda scared. But I didn't have the guts to confront him about thinking he's all mighty.

What should I do when he again tries something like that? Should I stand up for my friend?

What would you do?

As bully bait as an occupation, I have been dealing with bullies allot. Getting my share of pain and violence, I echo what Kevin said, to a point and I will go into that later. He is what he said,

"Sounds like a case of bullying. Bullies have more at issue than a simple game of ping pong. Not always easy to deal with especially if you have to face them in the same environment everyday. Fighting of course should be the last resort, and you should try and de-escalate the situation as best you can" That is far as I suggest to go.

Is the bully a gang member, or other dangerous sort. Or a leader of his own little gang. Does he look like he or they will use deadly force, i.e. weapon. How does he intimidate, what is his method of intimidation and how does he use it. From that what level of violence do you think he is willing to use if forced to. Do you see any weakness you can exploit, verbally or physically, or both to protect yourself.

See you have an advantage, first contact, and it was not a violent one. It means you can study him. Because your going to need a plan. Hey let's face it. You didn't stand up to him at first contact. This means in his mind you are weak, you have been dominated. You are equal now to your friend.

You two put your heads together, on how to solve the issue at the next point of contact depending on what type and how dangerous the bully is. Bullies use verbal force to control their targets, to intimidate them. If that doesn't work and they feel the target isn't a threat they will go to the next level of force and threaten or assault (a show of force). If that doesn't work force is the next level. If they can't verbally control you they will physically control you. Their goal is to get the compliance they want from their targets. Some bullies get an extra charge from inflicting pain.

Rule of thumb you have to have a plan and it must be tailored to that bully's style at all the levels of aggression possibly experienced from that bully. Mind you not all plans work or have the expected results. But, if a plan is successful it is sweet.

Here are some of my experiences, not every thing works. This is to just give you an idea. The first contact with two bullies was days before in store where I got shoulder bumped by two guys that looked like ex-cons. Little did I know that my ex-girl friend convinced two drug buddies to cut me because I stop dating her due to her new-old hobby of drug use. They had marked me as a target. A very difficult and volatile situation. I have two point encounters with these guys. The second occurred because I didn't confront them the first time. But it gave me an opportunity to see who and what I was dealing with and how to deal with the situation. I was unaware of why they where bullying me, until later.

At the first encounter of being bumped I should have turned and said something that lead them to think I wasn't worth the effort. I should have gotten into their heads. i.e. say something weird and crazy non-threatening, to a compliment and either way keep talking not letting them say anything back to me as I walked away. After all we are in public, they are bigger and out number me.

At the second encountered I used the weakness I found in each. Knowing that I would see them again, because that is what the told me, I got prepared. I feed their egos and exploited their obvious drug habit with conversation and interest. Doing so did de-escalate the mental psych-up needed to go to the next levels.

Golden rule don't reason with a bully, it doesn't work. Work to find a way to de-escalate the situation. Because if it turns violent he had the advantage. You don't want it to go to that level.

Golden rule number two, don't show fear or other emotions. When you do so that is something the bully is looking for. Use a poker face not reacting to intimidation or threats, or any thing else thrown at you. Don't mock, or try clever insults, well any insults for that matter. Don't reason or be too logical. Play it even, and play to what the bully's weakness. Stay calm, no fear, no sweat. Your goal is to deflate the energy built up to be release upon you as violence. If successful the bully will likely seek a target more suitable to get what the bully wants.

What ever the plan is both you and your friend have to work it.

There is no magic bullet when it comes to bullies. Each situation is different and calls for different approaches, and things. And they don't always work. Nothing is 100%. You use the wrong approach to get into their head, etc. Verbal response or even a visual communication works to stop a bully from going to the next level. Or the wrong approach or play can accelerate the bully to act.

Someone might say, well there is two of you and one of him jump his ____ beat the ____out of him. When he is down on the ground remind him why your were the wrong persons to mess with. That doesn't always work either, because bullies are also very insecure. And they just might decide to seek revenge with all they got when least expected.

I think it is better that the two of you work together to stop this bully. Find a weakness and exploit it to deflate the bully, let the adrenaline dump pass unused. Don't be a suitable target. Have a plan for your next encounter.

Last edited by Buck : 01-01-2009 at 11:19 PM.
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