Thread: How to Say No
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Old 12-20-2008, 09:43 AM   #21
Tony Wagstaffe
Location: Winchester
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,211
United Kingdom
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Re: How to Say No

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Anonymous User wrote: View Post
OK, wait, wait, wait. I've conveyed the wrong message here. He isn't harassing me. He just wants me to go out with him, which isn't going to happen. And he keeps finding new ways of asking, which is annoying.

If this had happened at any of the dojos I previously trained in (in different cities), I could have asked one of the senior students or the dojocho to get him to quit. In this dojo, it's very clear that interpersonal relationships on and off the mat are the problem of the individuals. I've witnessed new students attempting to get help with more serious problems than this (like other students being too rough with them) and were told to "work it out".

So it's really up to me to back this guy off. Threatening to report him carries no weight, b/c he knows as well as I do that I'll just be told to "work it out". If I do it loudly or try to involve others, I believe the powers that be at this dojo would view it negatively b/c I would be distracting others from training. We're not supposed to be talking on the mat anyway. He's doing it under the radar. If I blow things up, it's me who is in trouble, not him.

So, I'm looking for the most final "no" I can find, that doesn't get me in trouble. Thanks for any and all advice.
Find out where he lives and write to or telephone his wife!!
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