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Old 11-26-2008, 07:23 AM   #96
IP Hash: 27eaaa4f
Anonymous User
Re: Another harassment question

Seems the issue is on it's way to sorting itself out.

hey ... here is the email you have been waiting for ...

ok .. so when I thought of joining Aikido I was told that the sensei was a bit friendly with women. I was given examples of things he said and did in the past to a pevious female student. I decided to join anyways since I had always wanted to join a martial art and Aikido seemed best suited to what I was looking for. I was warned of how he was ... Of course it's not right and is not acceptable .... but it happens. It is about what one can tolerate.

At first, he used comments like "hey sexy!" or "hey beautiful!" which is no big deal. I must add here that I also have a part time job with a crew of mostly men ... therefore comments like these were not new to me. When the comments started, they were simple comments or one-liners. I saw no harm in them. Later, he would say these comments in class but also make them a bit more personal. Sometimes other students would laugh along, but most of the time they said nothing (they really are nice students to train with, and I know they were not laughing at me ... I laughed and passed a lighthearted "buzz off" message so they laughed about it... laughed to lighten the akward situation) The sensei would ask me (for example) to grab his arm ... I said something like "how do you want me to grab you ... which hand?" he would say "you can grab me anyway you want ... I dream of you saying that!" as a response, I would laugh it off and add "not gonna happen!!".

Another time, when practicing how to roll ... he would ask me to bend over so he could show me how to position my body ... but say it in more of a "bend over!!" tone and add a comment like "I always wanted to say that" ... I would respond with "Hey now ... none of that!". I tried to keep the tone light and friendly because I honestly didn't want to embarass him in front of other students ... I thought that reponding with humour would lighten the akward situation and he would still hear me say that "that was not cool". My goal was to get my point accross in as simple a way as possible that did not involve anyone being insulted or made to feel bad.

There are other things as well ... all within the same degree .... I have no doubt in my mind that if I even showed any interest or reciprocation (in sex or a relationship) he would make more advances. At one point during Aikido I was hesitating to roll (cause it is intimidating to feel like you are launching your body in the air with little to no control) and he tapped my bum and said "go" ... as a response after the tap I said ... "easy now ... no touching!". He has not done that again. Some of the comments were more rude but they do not need repeating use your imagination. You know most of them.

You may be wondering why I have not approached him and talked to him. I had plans to talk to him about everything but within the last week his behaviour as such has changed. He has stopped being "sexual" and is simply complementing (using phrases such as "good evening beautiful")... and nothing more or worst.

You may also be wondering why I have not quit Aikido and avoided the whole situation. The comments and such happened often enough, but never enough to force me to quit. To me, I am a woman in a sport that is predominantly male dominated. If I quit, I feel like I have given up ... like I let him win!! I needed to show that I could take care of myself. You need to understand that I have never quit or let myself be intimidated by anyone .. and I sure as hell was not gonna start now.

Hope that helps you summarize ... please do not include any names or hints or indications as to who I am ... i... I trust you. If anyone has any comments on this issue I would like to hear what they have to say (good or bad) .... because after all, it is about me.

Let me know if you need more examples or if this is good ... I had to stop typing cause I need to get ready for Aikido soon ttys ... please write back so I know you got this message ... I really don;t need it in the wrong hands ...