By the way Buck, from what I have read of the posts in this thread Tom28's description of events is being accepted as accurate axiomatically in order to facilitate a discussion of the specific behavior being described. The fact that real people may or may not be involved is irrelevant.
... something goes awry here ...
What I find most troubling however is your contention that because times have supposedly changed (we'll ignore the treatment of women in the middle east just to keep the playing field level), that it's somehow ok for someone in a position of authority to single out a person of a specific gender and treat her/him with less respect than they would the rest of the group. Using the fact that the person so treated is always free to leave the group to justify the behavior and basically ignore the one instituting the behavior is twisting the logic at best.
Perhaps we should treat Buck's assertion as axiomatic, presume that he sees the issue clearly, and not challenge him. Does he not deserve that respect?
Perhaps we should treat Mary's assertion as axiomatic, presume that she sees the issue clearly, and not challenge her. Does she not deserve that respect?
Twisting the logic at best?
[Offered with respect.]