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Old 11-15-2008, 09:09 PM   #42
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Anonymous User
Re: Another harassment question

When a member/members of the group is/are singled out for abusive treatment as in the case of the two women in Tom28's dojo, the whole dojo suffers. It therefore becomes the responsibility of the group to exert its influence on the instructor in an effort to curtail the behavior. Groups looking the other way while individuals engage in unacceptable behavior is all too prevalent throughout history.

For those of you who seek to minimize the events described by Tom28, replace Aikido school with [organization of your choice], Aikido instructor with [leader of said organization] and unnamed female student with your wife/daughter/sister/niece. Does the situation begin to look a little different?


agreed. but if a confrontation regarding the behavior is planned, it is important to consider the message being delivered. if the message is "you're a pig. cut the $*** or your classes are about to get a whole lot smaller", it doesn't give the individual enough information to facilitate change, particularly if this guy is just really clueless as opposed just being a jerk. if the message is instead, "we don't think you understand how your words and actions are seen by others" accompanied by some educational materials from a local womens' center, it 1)allows him to change without feeling bullied himself 2) gives him the benefit of the doubt, which even if he doesn't deserve it, might prompt him to live up to it and 3)allows him to save face, which again, he may or may not deserve.