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Old 11-15-2008, 06:11 PM   #39
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 950
Re: Another harassment question

Tom28 wrote : So how can I convince her to stop being shy, stop being embarrassed and tell him to stop making those kind of comments in class? How does she impact on him the seriousness of it and how it's effecting her and likely the rest of the class.
I know if I was one of the other guys training I'd sure as hell be resentful.
Tom28 I started a thread that is active on shy women. First you can't change her behavior, her shyness. If she feels embarrassed that is her issue; she has the power not to feel embarrassed. This is the core of the issue, her being embarrassed and not being harassed. The biggest impact she has is to go somewhere else. Why does she have to confront him verbally? Words are not always the most effective means of communication. A signal middle finger flipped upright, for example, can really gets the message across, a stern glare works well too.

I think Mary is way off base in her perspectives, and opinions. She is doing a ton of assuming and projecting her own personal stuff/views upon this girl, woman, lady, female, etc. don't know how old she is, or she social status, situation. Mary needs healing of her own of some unresolved issues, she hasn't resolved. But that is Mary, and Mary isn't the woman, girl, etc being discussed. Just as I am not this girl, etc.

We really don't know anything about this person. In fact we really don't know anything about her. She may be dealing with the situation very well, but it is misunderstood by those looking in from the outside. She may like the Sensei and doesn't take him seriously. She may not have any of Mary's issues or concerns, or perspectives toward men and what this sensei is saying. We really don't know. This thing between the two is their issue, assuming she is an adult. Sure it may be done in public and it's uncomfortable to the other students that is the sensei's issue. Anyone can leave the class for any reason. But they are not at this point. Why?

Tom28, I think the issue is you are uncomfortable by what is going on because of the way you perceive it. Go up to the sensei and speak you mind. If you don't get the results you are looking for find a new dojo that is more comfortable. There are options. And not everyone fits in every dojo. I would feel harassed, and abused in Mary's dojo. But, maybe not in someone else who sees guys in a more positive and updated view of males, men, boys etc. Tom28, has she came to you and complained about how the sensei treats her verbally. If she has, why is she still continuing? People are complex, very complexed. Just like you may never really know another person, or what is going on inside their head.

Last edited by Buck : 11-15-2008 at 06:23 PM.