View Single Post
Old 11-15-2008, 09:51 AM   #38
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 950
Re: Another harassment question

Ron Ragusa wrote: View Post
One student, at least, has indeed left. How long before the second woman tires of the abuse and leaves too? An Aikido class is an exercie in group dynamics. As such when one individual's behavior begins to make others in the group uncomfortable it becomes the business of the group. This stuff doesn't occur in a vacuum.


I think you hit on something that I wasn't saying very well. First there is an assumptions; a template of abuser and victim scenario, based on the information given. Second, each individual women is different, in personality, background etc. All women are not victims or down-trodden weak, helpless, fragile mentally and physically, mute needing someone to champion for her; protecting her, standing up for her.

Third, for those like me I don't know who is being talked about. I have no experience or background with the people involved. I don't have that inside information.

Fourth, it seems one women felt abused, or powerless because the Sensei didn't respect her verbally. This was her personal experience it doesn't make it universal. There are women who are attracted to self-centered Condescending men, for various reason and thus aren't victims. These women can handle themselves with men as described. Let's get women some credit that they can handle a bad situation.

Lastly, for me, how bad is bad. This is being treated as if the Sensei is holding the women hostage against her will and criminally abusing her in the most horrible and torturous ways. Is this guy a serial killer, a predatory monster, or simple your average garden variety jerk. A situation blown out of proportions. Or is it simply a many of someone being a jerk or being perceived as a jerk.

Talking about jerks let's take my boss, for example. A women who is a professional jerk, a verbal bully, who enjoys intimidating everyone beneath her. She is just flat out mean. And there is no excuses for her behavior, and she bullies really well to avoid any harassment complaints against her. But, frankly, you can let it get to you or not. I deal with all and anything she throws at me. I still do my job, I still have a job. Life isn't perfect, and I don't see myself as a victim even when she targets me on those days she feels like it.

If I leave my job, I risk losing allot, it isn't like doing the same at an Aikido dojo. Which I have because I felt I didn't fit in.

Overall, the issue, I feel is being blown out of proportion, because simply it is a recreational hobby and activity; Aikido class.

Ron, you pointed out something else. I think when it comes the business of the group, people are taking themselves and what the do on an interpersonal relationship level way too seriously. It is like a cliquey petty high school drama thingy. People should be more mature. If the Sensei is involved in criminal actions against anyone that is a real problem and is everyone business, but in several cases of criminal abuse by Senseis people see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil.

And if this guy is really as bad as said, and she is really that helpless to be victimized and harassed by words, no one is holding her hostage to keep coming to the class over any period of time. She is free to leave the class when it ends, and has the freedom not to ever come back. Also, really, can any of us really do anything about it? SHE really has the power to do or not to do anything about it. Again, it ISN'T like she is married to this Sensei and he threatens if she leaves him, he will kill her while beating her. Is he physically assaulting her, beating her in class? Really it is a matter of words, and she hasn't been insulted enough to leave. He isn't the only Sensei in the world, and it is just an Aikido class. She can walk away. She has the power to walk if she feels the situation isn't a good one.