If an uke asks you to apply technique with more intensity, I feel it's your duty as good tori to oblige - within reason of course - just as if uke is struggling to take ukemi, when you will need ease off a little..
And if anybody blaims me in being too soft to uke - well I really don't care. That's my own way of practice. And I'll always perform a softer technique when I'm practicing with women.
If you're not allowing uke to benefit fully from your practice with them - by improving their ukemi, and their fitness - it changes Aikido away from the cooperative practice it has at the moment, to something closer to a tori/victim style of practice..
Just my personal opinion, and I'm sorry if I seem to be over-reacting, but I feel that ukemi is vital to Aikido practice..
IMHO, you don't have to perform a technique hard
to make uke work.
I like aikido techniques, based on kuzushi and dynamics. These techniques make uke think about such things like tai-sabaki and ukemi.