Originally posted by ca
or my instructor(s) dating each other or a student (adult goes without saying).
Colleen, I used to feel this way. Right now I'm much less sure of how I feel. I recently watched something that left me stupefied in regards to an instructors behavior and it was clear that his behavior had created an environment which made it ok for students to engage in the same behavior. I'm no paragon of virtue but I do think that when you open the door to teacher student dating you possibly open the door for a variety of other problems to creep in.
On the other hand, I know of many relationships which have begun on the mat. Many of them seemingly very solid. I've had 3 separate occasions where I could have played in that realm and it's always awkward and uncomfortable to me. If others can live with it then more power to them. The problem is when the power and the relationship are not equal and it won't be equal between a sensei and student.
A quick story. A friend of mine brings his girlfriend to a class. The instructor whose reputation is well-defined hurts the student. The student assumes it's because the instructor was interested in his girlfriend. Maybe true, maybe not, but the past behavior leaves it a viable question and it's an action that wouldn't surprise me. If you have to worry about bringing a girlfriend to the dojo there is a problem worthy of note and leaving that door open leaves you with those kind of questions.
Greg, I agree with your points. Thanks for making them.