Now why did you have to go follow up two pieces of great advice with two awful ones?
I think the point was an interspersal of humor with advice.
Or as one of my retired police officer friends like to say, train first in "GUNorRUN-Fu" if your primary concern is self defense. No doubt pistol shooting requires extensive training as well. But if the issue is the "ultimate" self-defense for the street, well, gun-fu wins hands down. Unless of course you're talking about "sawed-off-shotgun ryu". Then of course there is bazooka-jutsu. Hmmm, I also forgot about thermonuclear_device-do...
In all seriousness, for self-defense pepper spray (with some training of course) can be quite effective. And arts like Krav Maga tend to be very focused on precisely the scenarios you run in on the street. Or join the military and try out some of the combatives courses...
Aikido for me was about expanding a toolbox. I've done other stuff and enjoy the difficulty of Aikido on top of what I'd done before. Sure, I think some Aikido folk couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper sack. Notice I said some, not all. And I've met no shortage of weekend warriors who train intensely on heavy bags in mean, nasty styles who would probably soil their shorts in an actual confrontation. Complex issue to say the least.
But I liked his post. I enjoyed the humor too. For myself I think Aikido has given me an enjoyable puzzle to work on. But then again I started aikido knowing how to give a quick strike to the kidney or a snap kick to dislocate a knee. Handy stuff for when the blend doesn't work quite right...